Amy - You're Beautiful!

Dear Amy,

I was so proud of you for being brave enough to come alone to Joey and Mariah's wedding Saturday.   I know it was hard for you ... but you still are our family, and it was good to be there with us.

It's been a while since I've updated here,  and I know this blog never got off of the ground.  You had great intentions, but I also know that a few months ago you were reeling with emotions.  You still are, and your life now revolves around trying to be a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, a Friend and Chemo.

You look good.  Beautiful, Peaceful, and  no longer haunted by your future.  As hard as it is ... and it is, you are doing well today.  I'm so happy for you that you're fairly tolerating the Chemo, and I hate it for you that you have so much more of it left to go and the uncertainty of your every days. 

If only we could go back and change the past .... if only we could see and know what our tomorrows bring, so much would have changed, and maybe you wouldn't be going through this.  I guess I'm still not past the what if's.  I'm not in your place, but I will always be here for you.

Mainly,  even through this hard time ... you've found something so far bigger than anything you've ever known.  You've found love.  True deep love.  Not that you never had it before ... but right now in your life, it is greater and better than ever.  It's the love for your boys.

I love you Amy.

Prayers and Comments

Dear Amy,

I thought it would be nice if I put all the comments together in one place.  I'll try to do this periodically to make it easier for you to read ... plus down the road when we print this blog, they'll also be a much loved part.

Comments and Prayers from today back to the beginning ~    Tanya


Stacey said ... Prayers to you today Amy!



Tink said...  Thinking of you today. Sending BIG HUGS!!


Amy I am praying for your comfort and peace.
Kathy


Amy I have been thinking about you and your family, and sending prayers during this difficult time. Okie Nana


Mona Smith said...  That song has so much meaning and so much truth to it. I have always felt chills everytime I hear the song "If tomorrow never comes" by Garth Brooks and it is a constant reminder to me to do everything in my power to make everyone close to me know just how much I love them and that when my time on earth is through, the love I gave each of them in the past, will be enough to last, until they meet me on the other side. Amy, I pray for you each day and pray for peace in your heart and for Gods healing hand to be on you.


Tink said... I am so glad you are home again with your children. I feel I know you all through Tanya, so many pictures and posts on her site over the years..  I have candles lit and Healing energy's being sent to you..
Brightest Blessings..

Diana Lopez said... wow, cool homework..great questions...god bless you Amy

Good to be a Queen said... Amy, wishing you the best for the week ahead.....
Take Care


Hi Amy,
I realize that posting a letter here had to be a very difficult step for you. It sort of makes the whole thing real once it's been typed into words. I hope that you will come to find posting your letters to be a source of comfort. This blog a sort of oasis from the storm.  You have been and will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Denise


Sabrina said... Praying for you Amy. I know that the road ahead of you is long and uncertain, but we all care. We are thinking of you and your family, and praying for your recovery.


Amy-  I'm so glad you are home with your family and children. I will continue to pray for you all. Stay strong and look to the heavenly father, he will bring you through this.


Amy~~  Prayers continue for you and your beautiful family. Hold fast to your faith. Whatever happens God will not leave you--He will give you strength and peace to carry you through.
Ulli


There's Hope in Each New Day
When life is filled with challenges
Fight back with heart and soul,
Face each one with confidence
To win your utmost goals.


Anyone can be a winner
When God is on their side,
Just trust His loving providence
For it can turn the tide.


And if it is a MIRACLE
You need to see you through,
You may just find that MIRACLE
Will wing its way to you.


(Catherine Janssen Irwin)
With love and hope from High Point, North Carolina


krueth said... continuing to pray for you Amy....May God Bless you and hold you in His Arms, till you are strong enough to stand on your own again...


Amy...I discovered your blog and I am praying for you. I pray for your strength and for your health and for your beautiful children. I pray that your heart heals and you can find peace in life. Hang in there. I am a complete stranger but your story has touched me greatly.
Susan


Gina said... Amy, 
Sending prayers your way right now...
My husband just started back at work after 6 months of chemotherapy, so we do know what you are going through...
Amy - you've got to think, and really know, that you are going to be ok.
Your family needs you, your children need you...
The world needs you...
I know how weak you feel right now - but the Lord will make you strong. He knows how much you are needed, and how much you are loved. Be well. Get healthy - and know you are in our prayers...


Good to be a Queen said... Amy, Georgia is praying for you and your wonderful family.....My heart and prayers are with you.
Angie Queen


Elissa said... Amy~ Jared & I are praying for you, Josh, Luke, and Carter. Just keep leaning on God for strength and understanding. We love you.
Elissa


Praying and sending positive thoughts and wishes to you and your family. Mona


Prayers and best wishes from North Carolina. A good frind is a few steps ahead of you. You are both stong, brave people. The best to you and your family and we will keep praying for you.


Dear Amy, 
I was glad to read that you are now home with your family after surgery. I do not know you or your family and I cant quite recall how I came across your blog but I want you to know how far your story has reached, my son and I in washington state are praying for you as well. Stay srong and get your much needed rest.
May the grace and the peace of the lord continue to be with you.
Nicole and Austin


tiffany said...  I'll be here, 2:00 sharp!


The Cup Is Half-Full said...  Amy,  Praying for you without a doubt! You can do this. Thinking of you often.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Tracie


Amy-
I know you have a long journey ahead of you, but you are young and strong. I'll be praying for you and your family. I pray that God will give you the peace and comfort you need during your surgery.
Pam


I'm so glad she is a child of the King!
My prayers are with you thru all of this. God Bless!


Annette Young said...
Sending you good thoughts and lots of prayers. I always look at the glass half full and I just know everything will be ok! Take Care, Annette


krueth said...
Praying for you Amy...I came on at 3:00 but immediatly prayed for you ....Wendy


I am on the west coast so I got here close to 2:00 PM our time, sorry I was late.
Praying for you, keeping you in my thoughts and so happy you got baptized!!
Best wishes for a speedy recovery, I will continue to pray for you Amy.
Jennifer


The Morgan Mommy said...
Amy,  I am sending lots of prayers your way .... today and always! Keep up your incredible fight.
Tanya


Amy, I'm Elissa's mother, and I just talked with her, and she told me I could reach your blog thru a link on Tanya's site. I didn't read it in time to pray for you at 2 p.m., but I will be praying for you. I remember you from Jared & Elissa's wedding. I'm so sorry you are so sick. I am so glad you have come to know the Lord.


Diana Lopez said...
I'll be praying for you Amy......


Truly hope you are feeling God's comfort and love. Wishing you the best with your reoovery from surgery. You will remain in my prayers.


Egghead said...
Amy I am sending you my love and prayers. We are all here with you in spirit and love. Blessings and strength to you from God.


Praying for God's hands to be on the surgeons and to give them the skills and knowledge to make the best decisions for you. Hoping you feel all the love and prayers being sent your way, God Bless You and your family, Mona

Diana Lopez said...
Hi Amy, she's right, write like you will live forever, because you will live forever, weather it is here on earth or at home with Jesus our Saviour...Always have faith, trust god that what ever happens it happens for a reason. I am sure that God has something big planned for you, Pray always to God to guide you and give you strength for this journey that he has prepared for you. You will always be in my prayers. With much love Diana.


Egghead said...
This is beautiful Tanya. Amy we are praying for strength to get through the days ahead and peace for your heart.


Sabrina said...
Praying for you Amy. I cannot even being to imagine what you are feeling & going through as you begin to write letters to your precious boys. I hope that you are able to tell them everything you want them to know, and more. Let your heart be your guide. Tanya, this is a beautiful letter. I know that you will do your very best to help Amy and your family through this difficult illness and journey. You are all in my prayers and thoughts - daily.


Amy, we're thinking about you as you navigate this difficult journey. Don't feel isolated -- please accept and ask for help anytime it's offered or needed. Keep your chin up and cherish each and every moment with your children. We've never met, but I've read your story on Tanya's page. My best wishes to you and your family. --Laura


Amy, May you feel God's arms around you as you begin your journey. Please know that you are being lifted up in prayer and that we are all pulling for you. I lost my mother at age 13 and there are so many sweet memories from my childhood that wonder in and out of my thoughts just out of the blue and alot of times, those exact thoughts were exactly what I needed to remember during certain obstacles I was going through at the time. What I would have given to have something like this for my mother to have been able to put it all down for me to keep not only in my heart, but where I could go back and hear her voice reading her feelings as I looked upon it. A place where I could go for comfort at times I needed her reassurance in my life. Your boys will always feel your love guiding them through their life. Keep the Faith and keep believing. Mona

Diana Lopez said...
I'll be checking her post on friday. Thank you


Sabrina said...
Checking in, Praying for Amy, and all of her loving family.


Okie Nana said...
Prayers are being sent your way. Okie Nana


tea4too0 said...
Amy, hang in there, there is hope. If you like, go to www.riverofmist.com Morningstar is going thru lung cancer treatments and talks about it. Very uplifting but alot of truth thrown in.


Praying for you Amy and the rest of the family as well...Wendy


B said...
Praying for you from Florida. My prayer is that you have peace from God throughout this process. Your Faith is going to be tested, but just reach out to God, and He will take your hand and lift you up, love you and comfort you. Remember "If God takes you to it, He will see you through it!"


Jill said...
My prayers are with you Amy! I am 26 with two boys that look about the same age as yours--3 and almost one--and I can only imagine how you must feel knowing that you'll be making this journey so far before them! It breaks my heart...but you'll be there with Jesus watching over them, keeping them safe, and you can be sure they will know you when it is their turn to make the same journey! God bless you! I'll be checking in often!


The Cup Is Half-Full said...
Hi Amy,  I'm joining you in believing for a miracle! Our God is a great God and He is able. I hope this journey takes you about 60 more years!
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))


Im praying for a miracle! God is so big and if its in his will he WILL do it! Whatever the plan is for your life Im praying to give you strength and courage as you face this illness! May everyones prayers give you the the help to get through this! With God all things are possible!!!!


Egghead said...
Amy my heart and prayers are with you every day. I hope you know how many people care about you and your family. We are all praying for a miracle. God bless you.

Love from Arizona

Amy

We love you and Luke and Carter very much. You are an inspiration to your family and everyone who knows you. You are very strong, and I know that came from God. So, Honey trust in him to be with you through all of this. I think of you every day.

Love you very much,

Cousin Sis
Debbie Barnes

Your first Day of Chemo

Dear Amy,

I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you today ... and praying that your first Chemo treatment goes smooth today.  I know that 5 hours of being there in that chair is a long time, but just think ... you have a few great Nurses there that care a lot about you and you'll be in great company!

There's no place like Home ... and I'm so glad that you chose to do your Chemo at home with those that love you!  I know all of the nurses there and I know that you will be loved and pampered while you're there.  Plus, I think my sister Kim is working today and maybe she'll be your nurse!  Either way ... I know you'll get a big hug!

Love,

Tanya

The Climb (A Letter to Amy)

Dear Amy,

Last week Juli and I took the girls to see Miley Cyrus's  Hannah Montana movie.  I heard her sing the song The Climb ... but really didn't listen to it.  Today I heard it again ... and I really listened to it and felt like it should be posted here on your blog.  I thought about this after we talked last night and the words to this song are what I think you need to hear right now.

It's about life.  To me, it's about doing the right thing, climbing up and overcoming past hurts and climbing up and moving forward.  Living every single day that you have, and knowing that you did it the best that you could do.  Always give more than you take.  It's the right thing to do.

All of us have numbered days .... some more than others, but we should all live our life like it's the last day we have.  Learn to live again Amy ... and that means forgivness.  Forgive not only your mistakes in life, but those that have let you down.  Learn to take one day at a time, no matter what curves you're thrown.  Don't let anger and heartache stand in your way.  It's so easy to wallow and so hard to rise up ... but when you do, you've won your battle, and you will no longer be broken.  Always do the right thing, even when it hurts, and you will never have regrets.  Be strong.  Be brave and have faith! 

Have faith Amy .... faith that can move a mountain, and when it's your time to go, ... go knowing that YOU ARE the best and only Mom your kids will ever have.  Leave a big mark, ... and when you get to the other side, what's left will be nothing but good, and the mark that you leave will always be here. 

I love you.

Tanya

Mark 11:22-23 "Have faith in God. For whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith."

The Climb

Laundry

AMY,

I just wanted to share with you a funny thought that popped in my head today. I was doing laundry and I had to clean out the dryer lint trap, but it was way down in there. I had a coat hanger and I was twisting and turning my arm in there. I sat down... I was so frustrated and I said to my self.. "Man I wish Amy was here!"

Remember when you came over one night at 1:00 in the morning, and stayed up with me and cleaned my dryer lint trap out??

I love ya sis!

Juli Lomas

~For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.~
2 timothy 1:7

You are My Sister

Dear Amy,

I have gotten to see a lot of the boys here lately, and I enjoy every minute I got to see their big eyes and bright blonde hair. They look so much like you it isn't funny. I can you see it in their smile and the words Luke says. We have had a lot of fun lately too. Both my kids and Luke got to jump for hours on the trampoline and play PS3 with Uncle Derek.

I also was blessed to have the boys for two days while you were having surgery. I heard they were taking you in a day early so I franticly called your phone so you could talk to the boys. Luke probably thought I was crazy because I came sprinting in the living room out of breath telling him he HAD to call his mom. I let you talk to Luke and he kept saying, “I love you mommy … I love you Mommy”, then he got too engrossed as four year old do, and handed the phone back to me while he was playing the Wii.

He kept yelling at me because he couldn't shoot the deer and wanted me to do it. He kept saying, “Shoot dem big ol BUCKS Aunt Jewy” So cute!

I then put the phone on speaker and held it up by Carter. As soon as you started to speak his bright eyes grew bigger and he just started grinning from ear to ear. It amazed me how he knew your voice over the phone. He kept doing the AhhhAWwww thing and trying to love on the phone. Then he started to bounce! Saying, "Mamamamama" Then it was time to let you go because they were taking you back to surgery. I could hear the crack in your voice and the love you have for Luke and Carter and I started crying too.

The boys were so happy to see you on Easter Sunday when you came home. Luke loves you very much and the whole time he was at my house he kept telling me he was going to go see his mommy as soon as he left my house. Carter, on the other hand, just squealed and squeaked and laughed and lit up. There’s nothing like baby love. He knows every inch of your face, your voice and everything about you. He just kissed all over you. That kind of love still amazes me.

Both your kids love you unconditionally …. as they should. I stand back from the outside looking in at everything and I am so taken back by how strong you are Amy. You are a great Mother, and a good friend, but most of all... YOU are, and always have been … the best sister I could ever have.

I love you so much Amy!

Juli Lomas

~It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. ~Psalm 18:32

A Flashback for Amy

Amy ... yesterday you ask me for a picture of you and Josh. Click this link and here is a little bit of something I wrote over two years ago.

Just for you Amy!

Love,

Tanya

Home

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.

Dear Amy,

You're Home. I bet it felt so good to walk through those doors Sunday, and even better to get to hug your babies. I even felt it for you just a little bit. There's no place like home ... especially when you go from a hospital bed to your own.

I was thinking this evening after you called me, when you told me that you figured out how to come here and read the comments and the post ... that we need a plan. You ask me to help you ... so I am.

You know I'm very sentimental and always drive my kids nuts, so I'm going to do it one more time. For you. I'm assigning homework! ... and that homework has to do with you!

You see, about 13 years ago I bought a beautiful book for myself. It was called "Reflections from a Mother's Heart." It was a blank journal and the purpose was to tell my life story for my children. I hope that someday Juli will cherish that book and love it as much as I loved writing in it. It's my story. At the top of each page is a question .... and the rest is my words. It's my Legacy for my children.

So this evening I turned to my book and looked at this date in April in 1995 to see what question I had answered, and it's a question that I think you should answer too.

"What was your favorite pastime as a child? Did you prefer doing it alone or with someone else?"


I love you.

Tanya

Plain Hamburgers and Luke

Hey Amy!

So the day that you got baptized was a really awesome day for me because not only did I get to experience your entrance into the kingdom of God, but I got to sit by Luke and hold him up so he could see you when it was going on.

When Joey was telling you that we both promise that Luke and Carter will be raised knowing the Lord, Luke did the funniest thing: he raised his hand and said, "Uncle Joey, I am not going to be raised. I'm not gonna know Jesus or be a Christian. I'm just gonna eat plain hamburgers all day!"

It was the most random thing I've ever heard. But that's so true to who Luke is.

Amy, regardless of what Luke says, Joey and I will fight for your kids in the Spirit realm and the natural. We will present Jesus to them in every way possible. We love them so much, and we love you so much.

I love you so much.

Mariah

I'm Home

Dear Caring People,

Thank you for all the Prayers, it means a lot to me. Surgery went fine, I am recovering well, I am at home now with my family. I'm glad to know that people care, it warms my heart to hear from all of you.

Keep sending your thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Amy and Boys

Surgery

Thank You to everyone that emailed me and to those that left comments here. Amy was prayed over yesterday before she went into surgery by all of us and many of you. Thank You ... more than you know.

Yesterday they decided to go ahead and take her to surgery. It was a quick decision by the Surgeon and the Oncologist to place a Colostomy instead of completely doing a Ileostomy. The Ileostomy and removal of her Colon and lower system is a bigger surgery and the Doctor's didn't feel like it was in Amy's best interest due to her weight loss and nutrition. This will give her much needed relief and comfort.

They did place her port and she sees the Oncologist next Friday, and she'll begin Chemo right away to shrink the clusters of tumors in her Liver and the main tumor that she still has.

Please continue to pray and send good thoughts to Amy. Her family is reading and telling her all about you and your prayers.

Hopefully Amy can soon begin to write here.

Tanya

Prayers for Surgery

Amy is being admitted to the hospital early this morning. She is having her Colon removed tomorrow morning (Friday). She will be in the hospital for about five days. Hopefully they'll be able to do this Laprascopically instead of a open surgery. That's the hope of the surgeon. They'll also be placing her Port-a-Cath for Chemo before she comes back home.

For those of you that have ask, and want to send her a card, you can send it to:

St. Mary's Medical Center
Amanda Harms - Patient
3700 Washington Ave.
Evansville, IN 47714

She will have her laptop computer with her and be able to read the comments every one leaves her since she will have internet service at the hospital. Her internet at home should be up and running by the time she comes home. Amy's Mom will be staying at the hospital with her, and after her surgery when Amy is not up to it, her Mom will be able to read her everyone's encouraging words.

I want to ask one more thing of everyone reading here. If you can, please join us at 2:00pm today (Thursday) in a prayer for Amy's healing ... and continue to keep her in your thoughts.

Now for a wonderful little update:

Amy was baptized Sunday at Jacob's Well in Mt. Carmel. My son Joey had the pleasure of baptizing her and leading her to God. I am so proud of both of them.

Opening the Door

Dear Amy,

You know .... we all have a story in us, just waiting to be told, and your story will be what Luke and Carter will carry with them ... all of their lives. I believe that what we leave behind is what counts in life ... not material things, but what we have in our heart and what we leave to those we love. Words are so powerful and can be so healing. Your words will be the greatest gift you will ever give to them.

It's funny ... because as I sit here and write this to you, I think about the day I met you. The day Josh brought you home. You were a teenager and were so shy. But you quickly grew into our family and our hearts. It doesn't seem like that day was over eight years ago. I can honestly say that you never in your life said a cross word to me ... you might of thought it, but you never said it. Even though we, me and you, have had good and bad things happen ... we never turned our back on each other ... and for that I am so thankful.

I know that it will be hard for you to start writing here and that is why I'm opening the door for you. It will probably be the hardest thing you've ever done. But I know you can do it. Pouring out your soul and emotions is hard for anyone ... especially when we don't know what the future holds. One day soon turns into another and soon the days are forgotten. When we write our story ... we're leaving a piece of ourselves, one that will carry on forever. So when you write yours, write it like you will live forever ... because to them .... YOU will.

I don't know if I ever told you this, but I started writing letters to Josh before he was ever born. Those letters are twenty-eight years old now, and to me they are priceless. I can just imagine how he will feel when he reads them some day.

Can you just imagine when Carter and Luke are grown up and sitting here reading these letters from their Mother, and from those that loved her? Can you just imagine how full their hearts will be and how they will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were loved higher than any mountain and deeper than any sea.

When you think about it ... none of us know what is in our future. That's why it's so important to draw close to God, even when we don't understand things that happen in our life. I know you're on the right path and I know, no matter what happens to any of us ... we'll all meet up in Heaven some day.

I also know that you know .... that you are a daughter of my heart. I love you and promise to always be here to help you. ... and if God would choose to take you tomorrow, I will help take care of your babies and instill in them the one fact that I know ... that you will always love them ... even when you're in Heaven.

Tanya

Amy's Journey

For those of you following here, Amy will not have a computer until Friday. She will start her journey then.

Thank you for your prayers!